Curtis and Leroy saw an ad in the daily newspaper and bought a horse for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the animal the next day. When the scheduled time arrived, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I got some bad news fer ya. The horse died last night of colic."
Curtis & Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."
"Can't do that," the farmer replied. "I went and spent it already."
They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead horse."
The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead horse?"
Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead horse... he's dead!"
Leroy said, "We sure can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"
A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the local market and asked, "What'd you fellers ever do with that dead critter?"
They said, "We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do."
Leroy said, "Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898!"
The farmer said, "My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"
Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got kinda upset. So we gave him his two dollars back."
An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule. The man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his mule to the hitch rail.
As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, can you dance?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No son, I don't dance -- Never really wanted to"
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody standing around was laughing.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12 gauge shotgun barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said; "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir -- But I've always wanted to."
There are a few lessons for all of us here:
*Don't be arrogant.
*Don't waste ammunition.
*Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
*Always make sure you know who is in control.
*And finally, Don't screw around with old folks -- They didn't get old by being stupid!
Some guys were all at a Cowboy camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept in Bob's room and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you?"
He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"
He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watch him all night."
The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
"Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up all night and watched me."
With age comes wisdom!